If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
