connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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