why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
