you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
