i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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