So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
