I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
