3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bring money and cleavage
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
