He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
