so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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