Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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