We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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