literally had 100 drinks last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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