well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's rum buckets o'clock
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
