my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
