Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
