So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I stole a fireplace last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
