I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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