Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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