There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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