Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm drive I can fine osifer
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
