I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
