Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
