you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
