I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
