Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
