How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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