Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
tequila makes me forget i have legs
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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