he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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