Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
...so i touched it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
