You're completely useless in the revolution.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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