OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
