Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
