As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
