i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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