Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
