I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He did a backflip because drugs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
