Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
