she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
