ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
