I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
