im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
