He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
