Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
