I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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