This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
