We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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