Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
