If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
