her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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