I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
