I hate your face
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
