Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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