Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
