News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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