just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
